Cherish Every Moment

Life isn’t a matter of milestones, but of moments.     

Rose Kennedy

The Chashmish Family

It is imperative that we cherish every moment.. Especially those spent with our family and loved ones. Because moments become memories that stay with us forever

It’s been more than three months that papa lost his mobility and has been bedridden. It is so very painful to see you father go through this…. He is also unable to share his pain with us mostly due to vascular dementia….as he himself is not aware of what he is going through. As a family all that we can do is make him feel the least of discomfort.. And we are doing our best

Never had I imagined that I would see papa like this… Though not an extremely active man since a few years as his hip bone issue troubled him …. But he used love being in the kitchen, helping mom with daily chores , playing the harmonica, singing and yes watching almost everything on television. He started losing interest in all these activities slowly. Vascular Dementia overpowered him.

Even then, he tried his best to do his daily chores.. But soon he began to forget how to perform them too. From shaving, to cutting his nails and even chewing his food. January 24th this year, my mom called me frantically that dad is unable to walk or stand up even. Since my parents were in Bhiwadi and I in Gurgaon, I immediately rushed to meet dad’s doctor in Gurgaon. He suggested a few medicines and some blood tests. My daughter and I drove to Bhiwadi post that…. We reached there in about an hours time…. It must have been around 2 in the afternoon. I very clearly remember the sight as mom opened the door. Papa was sitting on the drawing room floor unable to get up on a cold winter afternoon. Mom had been trying to pick him since some time but in vain.She had already called for the Care home staff for help and was waiting for them to arrive.Simrann I rushed to pick him up .. But were unable to do so either as he was in a lot of pain. Thankfully, help arrived soon and the care home. Personnel was able to pick him as he was trained to do so.. We all were in tears by the time he arrived as we were feeling so helpless. We got his tests done in the evening and decided to bring him to the hospital on the 26th Jan after the reports came in on 25th evening. By then his speech had become slurry and he stopped eating. However on 26th morning we made him sit on the wheel chair, have his breakfast… After which he went into sleep at 10.30 am. .. On the wheel chair only. At around 12 noon we decided to wake him up as it was time to go to the hospital in Gurgaon. He was in deep sleep.. Tried for some time to wake him up.. But did not succeed… It was quite a task to wheel him to the ground floor and then make him sit in the car as he slept. Thanks to the care home staff of Ashiana Utsav again who helped in the same .

We got papa to Max Gurgaon in an hours time and rest is history…. Little did we know that our lives would be changing forever and we would be facing the toughest days. From being in the ICU for a week, to the docs talking to us to be prepared for the worst and making us sign the no ventilator form….. He was moved to the room after a week, still critical as there was a possibility of him getting the infection again due a prolonged ICU stay . 22 days in the hospital and then the docs suggested we take him home when he became a bit stable . We were also told that his condition would not improve as his brain function was only at around 20% now due vascular dementia , which would deteriorate with time

Papa has been home since 17th Feb… Not his home in Bhiwadi, but his daughter’s. I know that he never used to like staying here due to some unpleasant memories . But now he doesn’t remember much… Though at times he does … That is when he gets very angry and wants to bash the person responsible for the bad memories. But I calm him down by saying that God will handle it all…. He does listen for while… and then forgets it all

The hospital bed, is his permanent bed now…. He doesn’t watch TV anymore.. Listens to old Bollywood numbers at times on Caravan .. But has stopped singing…. I do sing to him at times…. Thinking he would sing with me again some day…. But I am glad that we are here together as a family and trying to face it all with a smile…. Cherishing each and every moment

Love and light to all and thank you to all those who have supported and helped us

H. O. P. E

Day 86


Have really nothing much to write as dad’s condition remains the same.He is either in deep sleep or very restless and aggressive


He’s getting fragile by the day…Doesn’t eat well…However has developed a sweet tooth now.. Kheer being his favorite… At times only eats that.. Not knowing that it has medicines mixed in it… We are happy as long as he’s eating something… Don’t want to stop him for having what his heart desires
Planning to try and make mishti doi for him one day as it is not available at the stores now.


Mom and Sims have been holding their ground well and  helping dad in all possible ways.
Thanks to his caretaker Arjun bhaiya too


Hope and pray the the covid pandemic ends soon and there is a cure for it and also a cure for dementia to bring an end to the suffering

H. O. P. E -Hold On Pain Ends

#dementia  #vasculardementia  #lockdowndiaries

Connect with your heart

Day 75

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the things which you think you cannot do.” — Eleanor Roosevelt
 
Yes we have been doing things that we never thought we would be doing… As God has his plans and ways…. But honestly at times it becomes very difficult to see your father in this condition for so long …. With zilch sign of improvement… His condition only worsening.

Though there are days when he looks a bit better..eats atleast one meal satisfactorily and talks for a few minutes during the day…. But mostly he is in deep sleep.

I would like to urge everyone to take time out and be there  for your loved ones. You may be getting irritated or frustrated with the lockdown.. Which may increase further. But be grateful that you are safe and with your loved ones who are safe too.There are so many who are suffering or dying because of the deadly virus or otherwise. Take time out to connect with your loved ones, even a call these days can bring a smile.

But please whatever you do , do it with your heart and not because of any obligation.
Connect with people only if you want to … Don’t wait for a tragedy to do so… Or if you think someone you know or are related to is in the hospital and may not make it and cross the bridge. No point in doing something when you actually don’t care or feel for that person. You would surely not get any brownie points from the one above who knows it all

It’s ok not stay connected with all..not to forgive people for their deeds… But when you do, connect with your heart and soul. This is no gyan but something straight from the heart

With you dad.. Always

#dementia #vasculardementia #alziehmers  #socialdistancing #IndiaFightsCorona

This too shall pass

Day 63
It’s been more than 2 months that dad has been suffering…
The first few days in the hospital were terrible and the doctors too didn’t have much hope
But papa somehow recovered from the severe infection.. First UTI and then pneumonia. However is brain function worsened further due to sepsis that in turn affected his mobility completely.

After staying in the hospital for over 3 weeks, we decided to being him home as per the docs advise as his ailment is incurable.

We are very much aware that his condition is  not going to improve, but we are trying our best to make him as comfortable and pain-free as possible. I am sure knows this, but even if he doesn’t it’s ok.. We understand and are there for him . Even though he doesn’t remember much.. There are few things that are going on  in his mind and bothering him lately and he keeps talking about them..in a language that only he can understand at times …Actions of certain people that unfortunately were a part of our lives…I calm him by saying that God will handle those who have done wrong!!

I am glad that dad is home with his family, the three most important people in his life.. His wife, his daughter and his grand daughter. Yes, some others did pay him a visit at the hospital or even at home…but then everyone has their own life and their own world to take care of .

I have realised that only those who are emotionally connected can feel your pain  and be with you in testing times. I have also realised that when life throws challenges, one must face it with all the strength and courage. Being an all woman family apart from dad,not even once did we feel helpless or clueless about how to handle everything. And we are doing just fine.

 We All Have An Unsuspected Reserve Of Strength Inside That emerges When Life Puts Us To The Test.

We have been in a lockdown situation since a few months so we are not perturbed by the additional 21 day lockdown. Only procuring the utilities on a daily basis is a challenge for now. Yes there are additional tasks now since the house help is under lockdown too . But balance office and house work is the key. We have divided our chores amongst us

But this too shall pass as this is the need of the hour to fight against the deadly virus.

My prayers for all those suffering and for the families of those who have lost their loved ones. Gratitude to all fighting against this pandemic.

Hope the suffering ends soon… Even for papa

#dementia #vasculardementia #alzeihmers #indiafightscorona #21daylockdown

21 Days to Rebuild

#21daylockdown

Day 1

It’s a new day, new hope
Let’s try to spread positivity and cheer in such a testing time.
Together we can do it by staying apart. Connected by heart

This is the need of the hour, however please pray for all the women and children who are not safe in their own homes due to domestic abuse, all those in orphanages and old homes.Tougher days ahead for all of them

“The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.” —Dolly Parton

IndiaFightsCorona #frommylens

Justice Done -RIP Jyoti

You were raped and tortured beyond imagination

You wanted to live but your life was cut short by six monsters

You left the world almost 8 years ago but seeing your parents struggle every day to get justice must have died a zillion times

4 of your rapists met their fate today and one a few years ago
Hope the juvenile who escaped the law is punished too

As a mother of a daughter I pray that no girl goes through what you went through.
Hope there are no more Nirbhayas’

We will continue to raise strong daughters but we need to raise our sons correctly too and reprimand them if they do wrong

Hope men who treat women as commodities learn a lesson and stop the barbarism and crime against women and girls

Hope our laws get more stringent and fast tracked

Gratitude to all who helped you and your family get justice

Your mother so aptly said a while ago
” Aaj ka suraj, desh ki bacchion ke naam”

20th March 2020,5.30 am
Your rapists did not see the sun today .

Rest in Peace Jyoti 🙏

nirbhaya #justicefornirbhaya #rememberingnirbhaya

My Compassionate Baccha

Day 53

“To care for those who once cared for us is one of the highest honours.”

Yes, it is role reversal time and I have to mention that my 12 year old is handling it beautifully. Though I understand that  she is too young to go through this phase, but I am glad that I have raised a strong and compassionate daughter.

She has always been her Nanu’s darling and continues to be one, even though at times dad doesn’t remember her name . From giving him medicines, to keeping track of his water and food intake and cheering him up with her funny videos, Simrann does it all . Kids for her age and busy with themselves and their friends… She takes makes sure she takes out time everyday for her Nanu.So proud of you my munchkin… You are a strong girl as I have seen you manage tougher situations with ease. God Bless you and may to spread happiness and love always

Dad’s condition is not improving… He seems to be shrinking now..His skin on his hands and feet is peeling off

However I was lucky enough to get a big smile from him last evening . He wants to walk but there is no strength left in his legs plus the fracture in his hip area is painful.

We are with you papa…. Praying for you .Wish dementia had a cure

#dementia  #vasculardementia  #alziehmers

Woman of Steel

Day 51

She wore her scars as her best attire.A stunning dress made of hellfire.


As we all get busy with our lives.. There is only one person who’s life is stuck and revolving around dad…. That’s my mom. I may not tell this to her often but I bow down to her inimitable will and sacrifice. Though at times we argue as a repercussion of the stressful situations… But she truly is the backbone of our family. Her strength and support give us the power to face and handle what life throws at us

Dad is still doing the same… He sings off and on with jumbled lyrics….Nights are becoming tough for him as he is gets very aggressive… So one of us has to be around to calm him down.
His body is dehydrated as he refuses to consume adequate liquids especially water…
Walking is history now…

God.. I still pray that please do what is best for him…. 🙏

dementia #vasculardementia #Alzeihmers #frommylens

Song of the Soul

Day48
I simply remember my favorite things & then I don’t feel so bad

Dad is hanging in there… Still the same… But usually very quiet and sleeping mostly .

Praying for you papa as I sing for you 💕

#dementia #vasculardementia #alzeihmers

Happiness is a Choice

Day 44

It’s the festival of colours today so decided to add some color and joy in dad’s life as well


Happiness is a choice you make… Even in challenging times . We as a family, choose to be happy and be there with each other through thick & thin.


Though dad couldn’t understand what was happening, but we know that he knows we are around.
It was low key Holi celebration at home today.. But we were there as a family together 💕

Happy Holi to all.

dementia #alzeihmers #vasculardementia

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